The Cries from a Fallen Heart

Lord, I pray to You and You listen.

I have prayed for wisdom and You have granted me my desire.

Yet how do I use your gift?

I pray for wisdom in love.

You grant me patience and contentment in singleness,

Showing me that the right man is not yet here.

I accept the contentment,

Yet my heart lusts for those not meant for me.

I pray for wisdom in future decisions.

You tell me that I needn't know what lies ahead,

Just to trust in Your will.

I wait for Your guidance,

Yet I make my own selfish plans.

I pray for wisdom in speech.

You command me to hold my tongue,

Not to speak in evil ways.

I obey around certain people,

Yet I let forth profanities and obscenities at every free opportunity.

I pray for wisdom in glorifying You.

You present me with opportunities to speak of You to the unknowing.

I can't do it.

I falter, hesitate, say that I'll have another opportunity,

Someone else can do that job.

I'm not meant to spread Your love.

O God, I'm so ashamed of my lack of faith.

I should not be ashamed of Your Son's sacrifice,

Yet I cannot bring myself to speak of Him,

For fear that I may be ridiculed or persecuted.

Jesus, I'm not worthy of Your sacrifice.

I'm not deserving to even speak Your precious name.

I have strayed so far from Your path,

I fear that I don't know the way back.

I'm lost and so afraid of this darkness.

I need Your loving guidance, Father!

Please, find me and carry me back in Your comforting arms.

I need You and only You.

Why can I not grasp that truth?

You are all I will ever need.

Savior, I despair of my life.

I disgrace You every day.

I crucify You and turn my back,

Refusing to acknowledge the cruelty and evil in me.

Blind me with truth, O Father.

Open my eyes to what I have done.

Lead my footsteps to where You are.

Take my hand and never let go.

I cannot live in this world without Your presence.

I need You.

God, I pray for wisdom...

And forgiveness.