While I appreciate your blatant suppression of my emotions at times, I believe it's time for you to pack up and leave my soul. You've overstayed your visit. Go!
What I thought was a relief from so much turmoil was in actuality a slow and deadly poison, creeping into my heart and mind and closing down every part of me that feels and thinks. I have realized in this process that I would much rather be acutely aware of my emotions and wear them on my sleeve for the world to see than to push everything so far down that I don't even know what Sorrow and Joy mean.
Why did you trick me? That wasn't very nice. You said it was temporary. You promised that you would only come around when it was necessary, and then you would ship right on out. Liar. You plagued my soul for 3 months, not allowing me to feel anything. Oh wait, that's right. You "conveniently" left when you knew the situation I was in would produce negativity in me. What a friend.
Speaking of friends, how did you and Depression like co-inhabiting my heart? You two seem to go hand-in-hand. Well, how about both of ya go hand-in-hand straight back to your master? Not to be rude or anything, but I didn't even invite him to stay here, and he wasn't a cheery guest to have around. In fact, he was downright awful. He sure liked to hang around after those situations aforementioned. Definitely didn't help the issues there.
Tonight, those emotions that you've caged up finally broke free. Regret rushed through me, crashing through the barriers that blinded me to what you were doing. He washed over my face, and my eyes were finally open. Open to your deceit, open to the present, open to what would happen if I allowed you to dominate my life, open to my past mistakes. The awareness sent a shock wave of Sorrow throughout my body. Remember that song that was being sung by a multitude of people while all this was going on inside me? Heaven Song by Phil Wickham. I'm pretty sure you remember it, because when Joy heard those lyrics and the hope that was intertwined in every word, she flowed through every vein in my body and warmed me. For the first time in a long time, I meant what I sang. I felt Peace.
Sure, these emotions may bring tears. They may be unpleasant. They possibly could be even be downright painful. But ya know what, Apathy? I think I can handle that.
Never Again Will I Be Yours Truly,
Olivia
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